hawkida

Waste and waist

I've been musing on what a "waste of time" is this weekend. I've got a bunch of things I could be doing such as reading or drawing where at the end I can feel accomplished because I either gain knowledge or a story, or I have something to show for it. If what I have to show for drawing isn't very good, that's fine, it's work on the road to getting better. But I didn't do those things this weekend, I listened to podcasts (which to be fair, did catch me up on a backlog), whilst playing The Sims 4. And wound up feeling a bit guilty for not being productive. Which is silly. Why is it a waste of time if it amused me for a while and let me relax? But I can't shake the feeling, and it's increased by it eating time so quickly. I make my little goals for the imaginary people and set about helping them to achieve them and before I know it two hours have vanished. 

The other thing I've been doing of late is trying to get into shape. Both in terms of being fitter and being smaller. I approached this with a proper smart goal of getting my Fitbit to report 280 active minutes per week and eating less than 2000 calories a day. This is working to an extent. In fact it was working for a lot of last year when after seeing myself on camera I implemented the calorie counting and a vague "be more active". I was seeing a very desirable downward trend on my weight tracking graphs right up until I abandoned it without good reason. I relaxed it for my birthday and then never got back on the wagon. Christmas didn't help. So new year saw me needing to do considerable work to get back to where I'd been earlier in the year.

The last few days have been irritating on that front. It's probably due to monthly cycling hormones, but despite having followed the obvious pattern of using more than intake, I've gained roughly a pound a day for the last four days. No, it's not all muscle. Yes, I know I shouldn't look at the daily number. But my weekly average, which is a more realistic number looks bad right now, and it's frustrating. What's similarly frustrating, but for which I should be grateful, is that my fitness has increased to the point that I can no longer gain activity points for jogging on the spot waiting for the kettle to boil. This makes it harder to meet my self imposed daily allocation of points. And it makes me not want to bother to jog on the spot which is silly because that does contribute towards the overall goal, but it's a gamification trap. I've in the past wondered what the point of going for a walk is if I don't have my fitbit to count the steps. If a step's taken in the forest and no fitbit records it, did it really happen?

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