The fundamental flaw in this plan is that at approximately 3.45pm Orange followed the orders of Club Mobile and switched off my SIM, switching my number to the new card. The card that is probably sitting in some sorting office or warehouse right now.
It took a while for me to realise what had happened - I thought my phone was just in a dead area of the office. Then, upon checking, I found that all my colleagues had nice strong signals - thus ruling out the other possibility, that Orange's network was having problems.
Once home I called Orange who were bastions of good service. Even when the very friendly Vicky did accidentally cut me off. She was trying to do a conference call with Club Mobile, who very handily happened to have shut. Then the phone line went dead. Not before she had informed me that the people at Club Mobile are "naughty little boys and girls". They're not supposed to have the authority to get my SIM switched until I give my consent - which I didn't do because I am not an idiot.
Anyway, dialling back in I got through to Steve who eventually put me back onto Vicky since my account was locked out to her. She'd been frantically trying to call me but getting the BT answer service because I was on the line to Steve. She was very apologetic in a strong northern accent. "I hope you don't think I did that deliberately, I was so embarrassed. I work for a phone company and I can't even handle my own telephone, I'm so sorry!" But talking to Steve had given me another chance to hear just how bad Club Mobile can be. "We groan when we hear 'upgrade' and 'Club Mobile' in the same sentence," he told me.
So, some time later, after an extended chat with Eddie, the guy who reversed the SIM switch while telling me about the wonderful reception received by the guy who's phone he activated in the Alps, I got my signal back. Should my upgrade ever actually appear I get to talk to Orange again and ask them to revert it. But who knows where the other phone currently is? And can I even be bothered to call Club Mobile again to try and make some progress?
Find out these answers and more in the next thrilling installment of the phone story.